


In the Jedi Temple

by A_Horse_Called_Hwin



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Established Relationship, Humor, Jedi Temple, Journalism, M/M, Originally Posted Elsewhere, Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net, Romance, immature writing, old fic, ye be warned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-03-04
Updated: 2007-03-04
Packaged: 2018-01-17 23:59:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1407481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Horse_Called_Hwin/pseuds/A_Horse_Called_Hwin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One of my oldest fics, written when I was a stupider human being.  Since I don’t believe in deleting fics, it’s here for anyone who needs a laugh or three at Bad writing.</p><p>Quoted from an article in the Jedi Temple FREE newspaper, The Midi-Chlorianer: "THREAT ALERT! Level: Red. Risk: High. Category: Evil public media people. Description: A dangerous reporter is now wandering in the Temple, and it was reported that she had sold her soul to the Devil..."</p>
            </blockquote>





	In the Jedi Temple

**Author's Note:**

> One of my oldest fics, written when I was a stupider human being. Since I don’t believe in deleting fics, it’s here for anyone who needs a laugh or three at Bad writing.
> 
> Originally posted on the Master-Apprentice Archive and FanFiction.Net.
> 
> Immature Writing, Ye Be Warned.

To Boss Aayla Security, a generous mistress to serve;  
And to the Piggy Jedi, ever a cheering company.

 

 

 

Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn paced in the living room anxiously as his Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi walked into the quarters.

"What's wrong, Master?" Obi-Wan asked, closing the door behind him, "You look nervous."

"I'm waiting for a certain person." Qui-Gon answered briefly and continued his pacing.

"And might I know who that person would be?" Obi-Wan's eyes automatically started to follow his Master's circling movement.

"Mu-Ron Herr." Qui-Gon was still pacing.

"Who is Mu-Ron Herr?" Obi-Wan's eyeballs began to feel sore for the effort to keep his eyes on Qui-Gon.

"A reporter from _The Coruscant Times_." Qui-Gon's pacing speed increased at the name of the newspaper.

"Is that reporter a lady or a man?" Obi-Wan felt his head start spinning with Qui-Gon's constant pacing.

"A human female." Still the brief answer, and more sped-up pacing.

"She's gonna interview you?" Obi-Wan was beginning to reach the limit of his endurance.

"Yes." Qui-Gon's pacing got even faster.

Finally, Obi-Wan decided he couldn't stand Qui-Gon's faster and faster and never-ending pacing anymore, so he exclaimed in annoyance, "Could you please STOP that?"

"Stop what?" Qui-Gon asked with a frown as he kept at his pacing.

"THAT!" Obi-Wan pointed at Qui-Gon indignantly, "That...that PACING!"

"Oh," Qui-Gon stopped his footsteps at the accusation.

"Much better," Obi-Wan let out a sigh of relief and cleared his throat, "So, why does she want to interview you, Master?"

Qui-Gon looked at him with an I-can't-believe-you're-even-asking expression and replied patiently (if not smugly): "Because I'm the famous Qui-Gon Jinn, young Padawan."

"And she'll write a story about you and put it on _The Coruscant Times_?"

"Precisely," Qui-Gon nodded with a smile filled with content.

"But..." Obi-Wan looked at his Master bewilderedly, "I don't see what's so exciting about it, Master. I mean, _The Coruscant Times_ is only a garbage newspaper."

"Watch what you're saying, Obi-Wan." Qui-Gon held up a finger threateningly, "It's not any other newspaper, it's _THE Coruscant Times_. It has been #1 on _The Republic Today_ Bestseller List, on the Top 5 list of _The Republic News & Galaxy Report_ Public Media Ranking and among the Top 10 on _The Coruscant Post_ Bestseller List ever since it existed."

"That's because it is highly entertaining, Master, and if you asked me, I'd say it's only the tongue of the government and the entertainer for the citizens."

"You keep missing the point, Obi-Wan. It is currently the most popular public media in the Republic -- which is exactly what I need for my legendary tale."

Obi-Wan's mouth opened to protest, but, to his dismay, he realized he couldn't find anything to retort. So he finally said with a sigh: "Well, you did make yourself sound convincing, Master."

Qui-Gon was about to nod in approval when the doorbell chimed.

The Jedi Master visibly flinched and quickly strode to the door. But before he opened it, he gave Obi-Wan a look that said: "If anything goes wrong because of you, you'll be VERY sorry." Obi-Wan rolled his eyes at the message his Master's look delivered and nodded.

Then, taking a deep breath, Qui-Gon opened the door.

A lady in indigo who seemed to be in her thirties was standing outside the quarters with a polite and professional smile on her face. "Hi, I'm Mu-Ron Herr, the Special Correspondent from _The Coruscant Times_. And you are Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn, I presume?"

"Yes, Miss Herr." Qui-Gon bowed and stepped back a little to let her enter, "Please come in."

"Thank you, Master Jinn."

After Mu-Ron followed Qui-Gon into the living room, she saw Obi-Wan, who was standing there with a courteous yet emotionless expression on his face -- and that was the Standard Padawan Facial Expression in Obi-Wan's definition, and he also called it FETOKMOOT (The Facial Expression That Often Keeps Me Out Of Troubles).

"So this is your apprentice?" Mu-Ron asked Qui-Gon excitedly.

"Yes, this is Obi-Wan Kenobi." Qui-Gon said the name with fondness, then he turned to his Padawan, "Obi-Wan, this is Miss Mu-Ron Herr."

"Pleased to meet you, Miss Herr." Obi-Wan said with perfect Jedi serenity, giving Mu-Ron the most formal bow he could manage.

 

 

 

"As a significant part of this interview, Master Jinn," Mu-Ron took a sip of her tea, "I'll need to ask the people around you some questions. I hope you're okay with that?"

"Of course, Miss Herr." Qui-Gon smiled calmly, "Do you need someone to arrange that for you?"

"No, thank you, Master Jinn." Mu-Ron put down her cup, "I'll just walk around your Temple and ask some people a few questions about you."

 

 

 

"You know what, Master," Obi-Wan commented after Mu-Ron had left their quarters to begin her story-material-hunting in the Temple, "I'm surprised she didn't even ask you, the subject of her story, any question before she left."

"Well, perhaps she thinks the answers from other people are more reliable than mine." Qui-Gon said, somehow having a bad feeling about this.

 

 

 

Mu-Ron strolled in the hallway and suddenly intercepted Master Mace Windu on her way. "Excuse me, I am Mu-Ron Herr from _The Coruscant Times_ , and I believe you are Jedi Master Mace Windu?"

"Yes, I am." Mace answered uneasily. _What the Sithspit is a reporter doing here in the Temple?_

"I'm working on a story about Master Qui-Gon Jinn, and I'd like to ask you a few questions if you have time."

"About Qui-Gon?"

"Yep."

"All right, then." Mace said, relieved to know that he was not the target of the reporter, "What would you like to know, Miss Herr?"

Mu-Ron took out a datapad from her purse, "May I know what you think of Master Jinn?"

"Well..." Mace crossed his arms and looked up at the high ceiling to gather his thoughts, and he soon decided that since this article would be posted on _The Coruscant Times_ , he ought to be nice to Qui-Gon on this. So he cleared his throat and answered: "He is a kind person with much compassion in his heart, even for his enemies."

"Hmm..." Mu-Ron ducked her head to type into the datapad, murmuring what she was writing, "As a Jedi Master, Master Jinn has sympathy as all of his fellow Jedi do. However, he has unfortunately crossed the line between good and evil, since he is even willing to lend his power to the enemies. Master Jinn's strong potential to fall into the dark leaves us with no choice but to inquire: How could the people of the Republic rely on a guardian of justice and peace who cannot even distinguish justice and protect peace himself?"

Mace's eyes widened in horror after he heard what Mu-Ron had taken down into her datapad and explained quickly with fluster, "That's not what I meant, Miss Herr! I -- I mean, Qui-Gon is a very nice person to almost everyone, but he would only be compassionate with the enemies AFTER they are defeated!"

"Don't worry, Master Windu," Mu-Ron waved her hand with reassurance and smiled, "Just relax, I got your meaning." But she didn't change or write anything further in her datapad (in contrast to her comforting words), which didn't go unnoticed by Mace.

 _Oh Force...Qui-Gon's going to kill me for this..._ He thought in despair since he didn't dare to do anything to a reporter to make her change what she'd already written.

"So, Master Windu, does he have many friends?" Mu-Ron continued with her terrifying interview.

Mace took a deep breath and reminded himself to answer carefully:

"Yes, he is easy to get along with and he's always very generous to his friends."

"Master Jinn's astonishing ability to get acquainted with people around also helps him to befriend the nae beings whom he can take advantage of. In other words, Master Jinn is shamelessly using other people's trust to meet his own personal need."

 _Oh dear..._ Mace sighed helplessly inside, but he knew no matter what he said, Mu-Ron wouldn't change what she had already typed. And he was shocked by Mu-Ron's ability to twist everything positive he said into negative reprimand. Admitting to himself that he couldn't say anything that would NOT be twisted by Mu-Ron Herr, he made his decision to stay away from the reporter as far as possible.

"I'm sorry, Miss Herr, but I've just remembered that I have an appointment in about two minutes. So I'm afraid I have to leave now..."

"Oh, of course! How forgetful of me -- you're a member of the Jedi High Council. Thank you so much for taking the time to answer my questions, Master Windu, I really appreciate it." Mu-Ron held out her hand professionally.

Mace politely shook the reporter's hand and left, trying not to let himself look desperate.

 

 

 

"Thank you for agreeing to answer a few questions about Master Jinn, Master Ti, I'm truly grateful."

"You're welcome, Miss Herr, it'd be my honor to assist you." Master Shaak Ti smiled friendly at Mu-Ron -- she had been stopped by the reporter when she stepped out of her office.

"So...has Master Jinn ever done anything touching, from your view?" Mu-Ron's datapad was ready again.

"Let's see..." Shaak Ti rubbed her chin while contemplating, then finally spoke, "Once a youngling had accidentally stumbled on her way to the Dining Hall, and Master Jinn helped her up when he walked by."

"Although being a so-called selfless Jedi, Master Jinn seeks every opportunity to leave elder Jedi Masters decent impressions of himself. What is going on in the secret dark chamber of his mind? Is this actually a conspiracy? Undoubtedly, the ambitious Master Jinn is not at all satisfied with the title of Jedi Master but placing his aspiration at becoming a member of the Jedi High Council. So we could undeniably say: to Master Jinn, image is everything." Mu-Ron murmured as she wrote these words down.

Shaak Ti was alarmed and bade Mu-Ron farewell without further ado.

 

 

 

"May we begin now, Knight Secura?" Mu-Ron smiled at Knight Aayla Secura warmly with encouragement.

"But as I've told you before, I'm not really close to Master Jinn. As a matter of fact, I barely know him." Aayla answered truthfully and drank some of her wine on the table -- she was having her lunch in the Dining Hall contentedly when Mu-Ron chose her as a target.

"And THAT'S exactly why your voice is of priceless value." Mu-Ron said with a dramatic tone, "What all we reporters seek is the untainted truth concerning the person we're writing about. Most people's answers would be affected by the fact they are close to that particular person -- but YOU," Mu-Ron saluted Aayla powerfully, "Are different. Your being not familiar with Master Jinn actually indicates that you are the most important bystander I have ever interviewed about Master Jinn. It is vital for you to kindheartedly grant me your answers to my questions."

Aayla must admit that Mu-Ron's persuasive words did make her feel good about herself, so she relented eventually, "All right, Miss Herr, I'll do whatever I can to support you on this."

"Oh, thank you so much, Knight Secura!" Mu-Ron said excitedly and started her interview, "Could you tell me what your impression on Master Jinn is?"

"Hmm..." Aayla pondered briefly before she answered, "Master Jinn is well-known for his concerns and kindness towards the pathetic life forms."

And so Mu-Ron started her murmuring as she typed into her datapad, "Even a young spectator like this anonymous Jedi Knight --"

 _Anonymous Jedi Knight?_ Aayla frowned slightly at the unusual title. _Well, that's interesting..._

"-- Has heard of Master Jinn's benevolence, we could effortlessly see that how much endeavor Master Jinn has spent in building his reputation. But what is behind his exertion? We cannot know, unless Master Jinn himself would agree to respond to this inquiry, which is scarcely possible."

Aayla suddenly recalled a conversation she heard in the hallway between Mace and Shaak Ti about a crazy reporter from _The Coruscant Times_.

 _Holy Force..._ She gasped inwardly and glanced at the busy-typing Mu-Ron with terror. _That's her!_

 

 

 

"Okay, sweetheart," Mu-Ron crouched down in front of a little boy with a friendly smile, "Could you do me a favor?"

"Sure!" The little boy, whose name was Uras Vilas, a youngling from the mighty Bear Clan, was licking a colorful lollypop that he'd just acquired from Mu-Ron.

"Very well, then," Mu-Ron took out her datapad again, "Could you tell me what you think of Master Jinn?"

"You mean Master Qui-Gon?"

"Precisely."

"Uh..." Uras' brow furrowed as he started thinking, "He's always nice to me and even gives me some candies sometimes."

"Behold, even an innocent child has experienced Master Jinn's brazen mask of generosity. We can easily tell how thorough Master Jinn's scheme to spread his fame has been. Furthermore, Master Jinn is also ruthlessly poisoning the youthful hearts of younglings from the Bear Clan with his consummate skill of bribery. The future of the Jedi Order could not be bright if the Jedi still let depraved men as Qui-Gon Jinn remain in their Order and corrupt the minds of Jedi Hopefuls."

Uras frowned a bit: no, not at the difference between his answer and the reporter's statement, but at the many complex adjectives that he had heard for the first time in his entire life and he didn't have the slightest idea of what Mu-Ron was talking about; but then again, he didn't really care what the reporter was writing since he was more interested in the tasty lollypop Mu-Ron gave him. So he just shrugged and continued to enjoy the sweetness of the lollypop.

 

 

 

"B-But, Miss Herr, I'm really, REALLY not the interview kind..." Padawan Barriss Offee said pleadingly to Mu-Ron, who was patting her shoulder with unwavering determination.

"There, there, Barriss," Mu-Ron coaxed gently, trying to soothe the little girl's fear and anxiety. "Everything's gonna be fine, okay?"

"But..."

"Come on, girl, you _know_ you can do it!" Mu-Ron said with a tone that contained both encouragement and confidence, but was demanding at the same time.

"Well...okay..." Barriss swallowed hard and finally agreed.

"Excellent!" Mu-Ron took out her datapad passionately and asked with equal enthusiasm. "Now, Barriss," she cleared her throat a bit, "what is Master Jinn like in your mind?"

"Uh..." Barriss swallowed again and answered rather incoherently, "I only know...that...that he...uh...h-he...well, see...he..." _Please, Barriss, not again! Get a hold of yourself and don't ruin another interview!_ Barriss chided in her mind and straightened herself to continue, "He never he-hesitates to express his own opinions in...in front of the C-Council, which is a very brave thing to do i-if...one's thought is...a-against the...the Council's." She finally finished the sentence in tension and took a nervous look at Mu-Ron.

"See, Barriss?" Beyond Barriss' expectation, Mu-Ron smiled brightly at her, "I told you you could do it!"

"Yeah, but..." Barriss heaved a sigh of relief and wiped the sweat on her green forehead, "Why do these interviews always have to be so stressful..."

"Oh, don't worry, dear," Mu-Ron replied casually and got her datapad prepared, "Things will be getting better." Then her murmuring plus typing began once more:

"Under the mask of serenity, waves of emotions are raging in his chest. There is no doubt that Master Jinn has been trained and taught to hide his feelings, but truth to be told, he is in fact a man of passion. People in the Jedi Temple look up to the peace and calmness surrounding him and admire his tranquility. Deep inside his heart, nevertheless, the serene Jedi Master is howling for release! But being a Jedi, emotional outburst is considered to be inappropriate; thus, with the intention of releasing his enthusiasm, he aimed his ardor and zeal at the Jedi High Council by challenging them with his rebellious thoughts. This man, this Jedi, if he cannot at least possess a heart of equanimity, then what good will his serene appearance do? Master Jinn is no doubt a walking contradiction, and even the angels will weep for him."

Mu-Ron took her hand off the datapad and looked at the note she'd just taken down with satisfaction. "Really, Barriss, this is going far better than I've predicted. Now, if you don't mind, I have only one more question left -- Barriss?" Suddenly realized the little girl was a bit too silent, Mu-Ron looked up and found Padawan Barriss Offee had already fled from the interview.

 

 

 

"Padawan Kenobi," Mu-Ron began smilingly with ill-disguised excitement as she seated herself on the couch in Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan's living room, "What do you think about Master Jinn?"

Obi-Wan stared at her suspiciously with narrowed eyes -- he'd heard negative rumors about this lady ever since the reporter entered the Temple. _I'm sure Master would have my head if anything went wrong due to my mistake, so I'd better just...avoid._

"If you will excuse me, Miss Herr, I believe I don't have time at the moment. You see, I have a lesson in less than five minutes, so I gotta go now..."

"How interesting," Mu-Ron grinned at him with triumph on her face, "You're telling me that you have a lesson to attend while almost all the people in your Temple are heading for the Dining Hall for dinner?"

"Well, actually..." Obi-Wan swallowed, "it's a cooking lesson."

"A cooking lesson?" Mu-Ron arched an eyebrow with amusement.

"Yes, and we always have it in the kitchen of the Dining Hall." The young man had an enormously bad feeling about this.

"So..." Mu-Ron smiled and took a sip of her tea, "The cooks of the Dining Hall allow you guys to have lessons while they're at the most challenging time of the day?"

"Uh..." Obi-Wan quietly prayed to the Force to save him from this disaster, "As a matter of fact, our instructor _is_ one of the cooks. She shows us how to cook correctly when she's preparing the evening meals with her co-workers."

"Hmm...so _she_ always cooks and teaches at the same time?"

"Exactly." Obi-Wan nodded and forced a relaxed smile, knowing his voice and irrational answers had already revealed too much of his anxiety.

"And I'm not surprised to assume that your instructor is no doubt a transsexual."

Obi-Wan's mouth hung open and gaped at the reporter in both shock and confusion.

Seeing the young man's bewildered look, Mu-Ron continued smilingly. "Haven't you ever heard that _all_ the cooks in the Jedi Temple Dining Hall this year are _male_ , Padawan Kenobi?"

"Well...I, I..." Obi-Wan tried to find something to back himself up, but failed miserably. So Mu-Ron went on:

"Since what I said earlier was 'exactly' the truth -- as you've affirmed," Obi-Wan's face went pale instantly, "Then your talented instructor must be a female who's initially a male. Oh, this could be one of the breaking news for tomorrow!" Mu-Ron's eyes sparkled with excitement and imagination, " _Cooking Lessons With The Formerly Male Jedi Cook_." **(See End Notes)**

Obi-Wan gasped sharply and a thought flashed in despair: _I'm doomed._

"All right," he said aloud, intentionally interrupting Mu-Ron's daydreaming.

Hearing the words, Mu-Ron immediately turned her face to look at him expectantly with a hatefully smug smile.

Obi-Wan sighed in frustration, still struggled to look for an excuse to fight against the reporter. However, much to his panic, he couldn't find any more lame excuses in his mind. So although being more than reluctant, Obi-Wan conceded in the end, "I admit it was a lie, but," he added with steadfast determination, "I'm still not able to answer your questions."

"Well, okay..." Mu-Ron's smile didn't fade the least bit.

Attempting to ignore Mu-Ron's ill-boding smile, Obi-Wan stood up, bowed briefly, and turned to leave. Then Mu-Ron's menacingly merry words ceased his motion and made him spin around to stare at the reporter in fright:

"How would you like this to be tomorrow's headline, Padawan Kenobi? _Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn's Young Lover Refused To Comment On His Master's Life_ , or _Jedi Apprentice Obi-Wan Kenobi Gallantly Defended His Lover Qui-Gon Jinn_? No? Perhaps you'd prefer a shorter one: _The Power Of Truelove_? No? Then you must be interested in: _The Love Between The Jedi_? Still no? I bet you're gonna love this one: _The Self-Giving And Everlasting Love_ \--"

"Okay, OKAY!" Obi-Wan exclaimed in desperation, "What do you WANT?"

"Still the same: what do you think about Master Jinn?"

"Why is my answer so important?" Obi-Wan was grateful for the long sleeves of his robe, so Mu-Ron wouldn't notice his clenched fists.

"Oh, because the readers will be interested to know what Master Jinn's lover thinks about the famous Jedi."

"I am NOT my Master's lover!"

"Okay, then you're not." From Mu-Ron's grinning expression, Obi-Wan was sure that Mu-Ron didn't really mean what she said, but he couldn't see how to get rid of this human-shaped monstrosity. "Come now, Padawan Kenobi: an answer."

Obi-Wan's mouth pressed close firmly, and he comforted himself with: _Don't worry, Self, just stick to Master's bright side and remember...the Force will always be with you. There is no death, there is the Force. So just relax, Self, just relax..._

"Padawan Kenobi?" Mu-Ron called out as she saw Obi-Wan suddenly begin nodding to himself with a stress-free (and quite stupid) smile for nothing.

"Huh?" Abruptly awoke from his self-comforting state of extreme relaxation, Obi-Wan said hurriedly, "So...uh...you want to know what I think of my Master?"

"Mm-hmm." Mu-Ron nodded with a patient smile.

"Well...he..." Obi-Wan took a deep breath, "He is a very determined person."

Mu-Ron instantaneously started typing on her datapad, and here came the murmuring:

"Even the soul-bonded friend of Master Jinn has to --"

"I told you I am NOT my Master's lover!" Obi-Wan cut Mu-Ron off furiously.

"I didn't say you're Master Jinn's lover," Mu-Ron grinned in a friendly way, "I only called you his 'soul-bonded friend'."

" _Soul_ -BONDED?!" Obi-Wan repeated, horrified.

"You've got a problem with being a soul-bonded _friend_?" Mu-Ron raised an eyebrow at the scowling Padawan, "It merely means you're a very close friend of Master Jinn's -- who knows, maybe even the closest friend he's ever had. And why do these innocent words make you perturbed, Padawan Kenobi? Are you implying that your friendship with Master Jinn is..." she smiled wickedly, "more than what it seems?"

"No! Uh, I mean, of course not, Miss Herr."

"Do you have any more problems, then?"

The helpless Padawan shook his head weakly.

Mu-Ron was satisfied and bowed her head to concentrate on her datapad again:

"Even the soul-bonded friend of Master Jinn has to -- rather ruefully -- admit that Master Jinn is obstinate beyond reasons. He could have become a glorious diamond, but now he is nothing more than a plain pebble. He is headstrong and, in most cases, refuses to listen to or accept other people's opinions. This piece of personality leads to Master Jinn's lack of forethought and would possibly be his fatal weakness, eventually. And so ends the short, undistinguished career of Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn."

Obi-Wan's eyes were widened bit by bit with every word coming from the reporter's mouth, and when he heard the last sentence, he finally couldn't stand Mu-Ron anymore. "Are you cursing my Master, Miss Herr?" he narrowed his eyes as he snapped.

"Certainly not -- I'm only telling the truth. The people of the Republic need to know the TRUTH." Mu-Ron straightened in a flash, the posture she was showing clearly said the unshakable self-belief. "You know what the duty is for being a reporter? It is to reveal the unseen danger and concealed evil --"

Obi-Wan unexpectedly put his hand on the sitting reporter's head to send Force-power into Mu-Ron, which made the reporter's movement suspend abruptly, and then Mu-Ron lost her conscious. Mu-Ron's limp body fell back against the couch with her chin resting on her chest, and her datapad was dropped onto the floor from her hands.

"Phew..." Obi-Wan let out a sigh in relief, and quickly turned around as he heard the door of the quarters swish open and then close: his Master was back.

Qui-Gon was dumbstruck when he saw the scene in the living room.

"What is the meaning of this, Padawan?" he frowned and questioned sternly.

Obi-Wan calmly picked up the datapad beside Mu-Ron's shoes, and handed the device to Qui-Gon. "See for yourself."

Qui-Gon narrowed his eyes at the young man then at the datapad, and, rather skeptically, took the datapad from Obi-Wan's hands. He read the notes in silence shortly before his enraged outburst began:

"What IS this...this...THING?!"

"When did I ever -- What?!"

"There's MORE?!"

"I never bribe! Well, maybe except for sending Mace some rum to make him approve my Jedi Tax Break application last year."

"By the Force, does this thing ever END?!"

"What am I? The evil politician of a filthy war movie?!"

"'This piece of personality leads to Master Jinn's lack of forethought and would possibly be his fatal weakness, eventually. And so ends the short, undistinguished career of Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn'?! I DIE because of that? Why do I feel so...so...so...stupid? And who is this 'soul-bonded friend' anyway?" Qui-Gon suddenly looked at Obi-Wan with wary eyes as realization hit him, "She didn't mean _you_ , did she?"

"Uh..." Obi-Wan swallowed, "Perhaps..."

"Perhaps?" Qui-Gon's eyes narrowed as a dangerously bad omen.

Not wanting to retell the whole story, Obi-Wan hurriedly changed the subject. "That's why I put her into sleep!"

"On second thought, how did she know about us being lovers?" Qui-Gon either didn't hear Obi-Wan's explanation or just intentionally ignored it.

"But she said herself that these 'innocent words' only stand for 'a very close friend'."

"And these 'innocent' words undoubtedly have the same effect as 'soul mate' does."

"They do?"

All of a sudden, Qui-Gon's face turned cold and menacing, and he spoke slowly to emphasize each word, "I find your lack of intelligence disturbing." Even Qui-Gon himself didn't know why he chose that particular sentence to say in that particular manner -- perhaps there was some mysterious power that gave him this inspiration.

But Obi-Wan simply stared at him with a confused look, "I beg your pardon?"

Deciding that Obi-Wan would never understand the significance of this sentence (not that he understood it himself), Qui-Gon crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Don't you realize 'soul-bonded friend' is the wickedly extended version of the word 'soul mate', my young Padawan?"

Obi-Wan's jaw fell as revelation flooded his mind. "I feel stupid, Master."

"Well, you should." Qui-Gon nodded indifferently.

But his expression softened then, at the sight of Obi-Wan drowning himself in the abyss of self-depreciation and misery. So with a sigh, he put a gentle hand on the guilty Padawan's back and said soothingly with reassurance, "But, Padawan, I'm grateful to you for providing me the unique opportunity to get rid of her and save my reputation. Thank you, Obi-Wan." He then kissed the young man's forehead affectionately, which made the Padawan blush and the mood lightened.

"Then what should we do about her, Master?"

"Hmm..." Qui-Gon rubbed his bearded chin, "We could use mind-trick on her without any difficulty. So I am thinking that..." He looked at the datapad held in his hand again, and then deleted all the data concerning himself in it. Satisfied, Qui-Gon put the datapad on the sleeping reporter's lap carefully.

"Then we'll wake her up and use mind-trick to make her leave, Master?" asked Obi-Wan.

"Precisely, my dear Obi-Wan."

Afterwards, Obi-Wan shook Mu-Ron gently to wake her. She stirred a bit, opening her sleepy eyes slowly. Before she could ask what exactly had happened, Qui-Gon waved his hand before her: "You don't want to write anything about Qui-Gon Jinn anymore."

Mu-Ron repeated numbly, "I don't want to write anything about Qui-Gon Jinn anymore."

"You haven't taken any notes in your datapad and will leave the Jedi Temple immediately."

"I haven't taken any notes in my datapad and will leave the Jedi Temple immedia -- but I must at least write about someone."

Qui-Gon panicked, but he waved again anyway: "You don't need to write anything about anyone."

"I don't need to write anything about any -- but I do need to."

"You don't need to."

"I don't need -- but yes, I do."

"No, you don't."

"Yes, I _must_."

Qui-Gon turned to look at Obi-Wan in despair, who just shook his head ruefully, saying, "She sure has a strong mind, Master."

"But we can't let her destroy anyone's reputation -- no one deserves such a disastrous fate like," Qui-Gon paused abruptly, "that..." He trailed off and his eyes shone with hope all of a sudden, "I think I've found just the right person for her to write about."

"Such as?" Obi-Wan was cautious when he asked.

"Master Dooku." Qui-Gon said casually.

"Master Dooku?" Obi-Wan blinked bewilderedly at Qui-Gon, "Isn't he your...former Master?"

"Indeed," Obi-Wan was surprised to find Qui-Gon acknowledging the fact quite...mournfully.

"Are we talking about the same Master Dooku here?"

Sensing his apprentice's confusion and worries, Qui-Gon looked up to steadily meet Obi-Wan's gaze, "Yes, Padawan."

"Then why are you suggesting...imposing this blow on him?" Obi-Wan asked hesitantly.

"Well, why not?" Qui-Gon said almost without any doubt, "There is no one more appropriate than he is."

"But he was your Master!"

"So?"

"So?! I can't believe what I am hearing, Master -- what's wrong with you people? Shouldn't an apprentice always be grateful to his Master for the training?"

"Not when the Master was the origin of all the apprentice's depression and bitterness during his apprenticeship, and the Master is clearly on the way to fall into the Dark Side." Qui-Gon stated calmly.

"The...Dark Side?" Obi-Wan repeated in shock and stared at his Master in disbelief.

"Not the Dark Side of the Force of course, but the Dark Side of the politics -- but he will soon be in the Dark Side of the Force if he still gets himself involved in politics that much."

"I don't think I understand, Master."

Qui-Gon crossed his arms over his chest, "Well, let's put it this way: our dear Master Dooku is, from my observation, involved in the business of the Trade Federation, and I have a feeling that there is something not quite right going on between them."

Obi-Wan's jaw dropped and looked at Qui-Gon incredulously with horror.

"Furthermore, I am concerned about his strange relationship with Senator Palpatine."

"Palpatine?" Obi-Wan repeated, searching his memory for the information, "The senator from Naboo?"

"Yes, that untrustworthy old man."

"They have a strange relationship?"

"Dooku used to be an old friend of Palpatine's -- though the start of that friendship was bizarre in the first place. Then one day, all of a sudden, they became enemies without any foreboding." Qui-Gon emphasized the last few words with a dramatic tone.

"So you think they are actually pretending to be hostile to one another?"

"That is possible."

Obi-Wan frowned, "But why, Master?"

"It must have something to do with the Trade Federation," Qui-Gon rubbed his chin thoughtfully, "If only I knew what."

Obi-Wan swallowed, wondering when things had become so complicated between the Senate and the Jedi, "Master, do you think you should report this to the Council?"

Qui-Gon sighed at the suggestion and shook his head ruefully, "But the problem is: I don't have any evidence -- these are merely my personal assumptions."

"Oh..." Obi-Wan sighed as well in frustration, "Even we did have the evidence, the Council wouldn't believe us anyway, since Master Yoda and Master Windu are so fond of Master Dooku and have so much faith in him."

"Yes, Yoda is his former Master, and Mace has watched him grow up with Yoda because he often helped taking care of Dooku when Dooku was still a child."

"One can never blame the old Masters for caring for their Padawans." Obi-Wan said understandingly, but shaking his head sadly at the same time.

Qui-Gon smiled at the statement and touched the young man's cheek, "Exactly, because they love them too much -- just as I love you, my Padawan."

Obi-Wan's eyes sparkled at the loving words and smiled in return, "Well, there is a difference: you're not an old Master."

Qui-Gon chuckled, "Old enough to be your father."

"That's completely out of the question," Obi-Wan remarked mischievously, "Or you wouldn't be able to get such a disrespectful Padawan like me under control."

"True, training you does require much stamina." Qui-Gon smilingly gave his Padawan a meaningful glance.

Obi-Wan chuckled. "But I do hope your love for me is...somewhat different from Master Yoda and Master Windu's love for my Grandmaster." He added hopefully.

Qui-Gon slid his arms around Obi-Wan's waist and pulled him close, "Much, much different than theirs," he lifted one hand and caressed the younger man's cheek tenderly, "My Obi-Wan."

Obi-Wan smiled and tilted his head to share a loving kiss with his beloved Master, and then rested his head on Qui-Gon's warm chest with his arms wrapped around Qui-Gon. Contented, he murmured quietly, "I love you, Master."

"And I you, my love." Qui-Gon whispered, resting his cheek on Obi-Wan's head. They remained that way for a few moments, until Qui-Gon chuckled again, "Do you realize we've already been through the similar conversation before, Obi-Wan?"

"I know, this is actually the sixth time in this very month." Obi-Wan raised his head and grinned smugly.

Tightening his hold of his apprentice, Qui-Gon looked into Obi-Wan's eyes and asked, "And you're that insecure about our love for each other?"

"Not really -- I just kind of enjoy this sort of conversations of love and caring."

"I didn't know you were the romantic type, Padawan." Qui-Gon arched an eyebrow in amusement.

"Aren't you one yourself, my Master?" Obi-Wan said cheekily as he leaned back into the warm embrace of Qui-Gon again.

Kissing the younger man's forehead softly, Qui-Gon answered, "Indeed."

Obi-Wan sighed in content, thinking he could stay here in his Master's arms forever.

"And young Kenobi sighed in content, thinking he could stay here in his Master's arms forever."

Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan both snapped their heads up in alarm and let go of one another at the dreadfully familiar murmuring voice of the supposed-to-be unconscious Mu-Ron Herr.

They turned to look at the couch, only to find Mu-Ron, already sober, typing excitedly into her datapad. She looked up at them with a dreamy smile, and said with such delight and bliss as though she had just watched a mushy, moving soap opera, "That was really sweet between the two of you, Master Jinn, Padawan Kenobi..." she sighed happily at the notes in her datapad, which Obi-Wan wanted to smash for eternity, and Qui-Gon regretted not burning the device to ashes and let them be gone with the wind while he could.

"Miss Herr," Qui-Gon managed to prevent himself from gritting his teeth at the name, "Will I have the honor to know when you awaked?"

"Oh, not long ago," Mu-Ron waved her hand dismissively, clearly not interested in the question since she was still entirely obsessed with the romance she'd just witnessed, "Just when you two started kissing on your..." her face lit up instantly at the memory and she tapped her lips smugly with two fingertips, "Lips."

Obi-Wan let out an inaudible sigh of relief inwardly for Mu-Ron didn't hear their discussion concerning Master Dooku, but also felt an intense urge to wring the reporter's neck.

"Speaking of which," Mu-Ron suddenly turned to stare at Qui-Gon suspiciously, "What has just happened, Master Jinn? First I lost conscious all of a sudden with Padawan Kenobi before me, then I woke up because of someone's shaking, and when I opened my eyes with you in front of me, I lost conscious once more, and when I finally regained my consciousness, the first thing I saw was you two..." her face lit again and she tapped her lips smugly with two fingertips yet again, "Kissing on the lips."

Now Obi-Wan really wanted to wring her neck, but Mu-Ron turned her attention to him in a swift motion, "And you claimed you're not your Master's lover?"

Obi-Wan felt his face burn with embarrassment, and then Qui-Gon cut in: "Of course Obi-Wan's not my lover -- he's 'a very close friend' of mine, as you've said yourself."

Obi-Wan smiled gratefully at Qui-Gon for the rescue, and Mu-Ron looked less than pleased.

"Very well, then," she shrugged, returning her attention to the precious notes again, "By the way, Master Jinn, you still haven't answered my question yet."

"Well," Qui-Gon crossed his arms and turned to Obi-Wan with composure, "Would you be so kind to prepare some more tea for Miss Herr, Padawan? This would be a very long and complicated explanation."

Catching the meaningful look in the older man's eyes, Obi-Wan bowed and replied courteously, "With pleasure, Master." Then he turned and left for the kitchen.

"All right, Miss Herr," Qui-Gon sat down opposite Mu-Ron with every bit of the perfect Jedi Serenity. "I believe we have some unfinished business to attend to first before we start discussing your concerns."

"Do we?" Mu-Ron cocked her head arrogantly.

"Most certainly, Miss Herr, I assure you." Qui-Gon smiled at her irritating manner without any trace of discomfort. Raising one hand steadily, he waved yet again: "Your new subject of the story will be Master Dooku while you have completely lost interest in Qui-Gon Jinn, and you have never taken any notes about Qui-Gon Jinn."

"My new subject of the story will be Master Dooku while I have completely lost interest in Qui-Gon Jinn, and I have never taken any notes about Qui-Gon Jinn." Mu-Ron repeated emotionlessly.

"You have never interviewed Obi-Wan Kenobi, nor have you lost consciousness in our quarters -- you arrived here _only_ to inform me that I am no longer the center of your story, which I accepted rather well. The three of us then spoke friendly for a few minutes with my apprentice and me treating you with hospitality. Now you are prepared to leave."

As Mu-Ron was repeating in a monotonous tone, Obi-Wan quietly emerged from the kitchen and returned to the living room with a tray of various refreshments. He carefully and swiftly put the tray beside their tea cups on the small table, and sat back down onto his seat next to Qui-Gon as if nothing had happened. Then something important seemed to occur to him, which made him stand up again and walked soundlessly to Mu-Ron. He cautiously pulled the datapad from Mu-Ron's weak grasp and desperately deleted some data in the device.

Qui-Gon watched his Padawan's movement nervously since the reporter was about to finish the repeating. Thankfully, Obi-Wan finally stopped deleting, and, after giving the datapad a quick final check, he slipped the device back into Mu-Ron's limp hands with care and sat back to Qui-Gon's side at the exact moment Mu-Ron reached the last word.

The reporter then blinked and looked at the Master and Padawan with a professional smile, "I'm afraid I must leave now, Master Jinn, Padawan Kenobi," she stood up and gestured the tray on the table, "And thank you both very much for the hospitality."

"With pleasure, Miss Herr." Saying courteously, Qui-Gon stood up as well with Obi-Wan, who bowed to the reporter briefly in acknowledgement.

"May the Force be with you." The Master said formally after escorting Mu-Ron to the door.

"And you." Mu-Ron smiled that professional smile again and stepped out of the quarters into the corridor.

"Phew..." Obi-Wan let go of the breath he'd been holding after he watched Mu-Ron walk around the corner, "I was beginning to worry that she'd never leave."

"So was I," Qui-Gon rubbed the bridge of his nose tiredly and closed the door. When he returned to the living room, he suddenly found some of the food in the tray bitten.

Frowning, Qui-Gon examined a cookie with narrowed eyes, "And you even brought some of the food you ate already, Padawan? I didn't know we were that broke."

To his surprise, Obi-Wan was shocked and rather offended by his remark. "I was trying to make them look more convincing and real! The food couldn't have been untouched if we _did_ \--" his expression turned into an exaggeratingly serious one and imitated the older man's voice and tone sarcastically, "'speak friendly for a few minutes with my apprentice and me treating you with hospitality'."

 _Why is he ALWAYS right?_ Qui-Gon thought in frustration, but he was proud of the younger man nevertheless.

"Speaking of Mu-Ron Herr," he sat down on the couch slowly, "what were you trying to get rid of when you had her datapad?"

"Uh..." Obi-Wan's face turned into crimson immediately, "th-the description of our..."

"Kiss?" Qui-Gon finished for him and was deeply amused.

Becoming redder than earlier, Obi-Wan nodded slightly and started cleaning up the living room. "So Master Dooku is very likely to be defamed by Miss Herr tomorrow." He hurriedly changed the subject and regretted his random choice almost immediately.

Qui-Gon felt a pang of guilt at the thought whilst cleaning the small table with the Padawan. It was illogical; he himself had made the suggestion to choose Dooku, but now after the irreversible was done, the determination he felt at first was replaced with immeasurable anxiety and self-accusation. He started to regret and his conscience was haunting him. Perhaps no one really deserved that cruel treatment, not even his cold-blooded Master. "I didn't have much choice," He declared, more to himself than to the younger man.

"Quite true, Master," Gathering the teapot and cups in the tray along with other food, Obi-Wan contemplated for a moment to try to come up with something to ease the older man's apparent remorse. "At least letting him be defamed by Miss Herr could somewhat capture the Council's attention -- and alarm, if there ever would be any." He said cheerfully to his Master and offered him a heartening smile. Then he disappeared into the kitchen with the tray.

Qui-Gon smiled: Obi-Wan always tried to justify his wrongdoings for him and cheer him up. Finally feeling enlightened and his heart warmed, he followed his Padawan into the kitchen to give him a hand.

 

 

 

"And would you be kind enough to share your thoughts about Master Dooku with me, Master Mundi?" asked Mu-Ron the next morning.

Master Ki-Adi-Mundi, who had been stopped by the reporter in the corridor, happened to be an old friend of Dooku's, and he therefore replied with a smile, "I'd be glad to offer you my opinions, Miss Herr." So he cleared his throat: "Master Dooku is one of the best lightsaber fighters of the Order. It is said that only two opponents have ever bested him -- Master Yoda and Master Mace Windu, since they were the ones who trained him." He smiled admirably at the thought of the invincible and matchless trio.

Mu-Ron nodded and typed precisely what the Council member said into her datapad with respect. After she finished, she grinned at Ki-Adi sincerely, "The three of them are really stunning together, aren't they?"

"Most certainly, Miss Herr," Ki-Adi smiled back and remarked proudly, "they are the living treasures of the Order."

"Yeah..." Mu-Ron sighed dreamily.

 

 

 

"So, Padawan Hucovski," Mu-Ron grinned at the female teenage Padawan in the hallway.

"Just Eser." Eser Hucovski said casually with a relaxed grin of her own.

"Okay, Eser," Mu-Ron said tenderly, "Do you know anything about Master Dooku?"

"Uh..." Eser furrowed her brow as she attempted to remember the latest rumors in the Temple concerning the famous Master since collecting rumors was her secret passion. "I heard people in the Bear Clan use 'Master Dooku's coming!' to scare the kids."

"Seriously?" asked Mu-Ron, who was amused.

"Mm-hmm." Eser nodded firmly.

"Master Dooku altruistically sacrifices his public image to guide the Jedi Hopefuls in the mighty Bear Clan by allowing his fellow Jedi to taint his reputation in order to intimidate the younglings. His selflessness and sense of responsibility are unreachable for other Jedi, who are only brave enough to shamelessly make use of the elder Jedi Master's stained reputation -- which was done by their own hands -- to achieve their purposes in teaching."

"But that's not what the rumors said." Eser protested.

"Eser, Eser, Eser..." Mu-Ron smiled reassuringly at the teenager, "Rumors can't always be right, but news, on the contrary, can."

"But that's not news," said Eser, "that's only your notes."

"Which, would eventually become news."

"But --"

"Please excuse me for the sudden loss of hearing, Padawan Hucovski." Getting tired of all the constant explaining and arguing, Mu-Ron decided to play dirty, at last. Then she turned and left Eser standing there staring.  
  
Gaping at the leaving reporter's back intently, Eser released her frustration into the Force and shrugged with a roll of her eyes. "Well, okay, whatever you say." She added in a grunt, "Force, I need a lawyer."

After sneering at Mu-Ron, Eser turned to walk away when her classmate Re'ick Tutra, a male teenaged Padawan, called out to her.

"Eser!"

"NOW what?" Eser sighed and impatiently turned back around. "What do you want?" she said coldly, resisting the urge to cover her ears since Re'ick's fashionable way of talking was almost painful to her.

"Is that, like, Mu-Ron Herr from _The Coruscant Times_?" Re'ick practically hopped up and down as he asked.

"So?"

"Ooh...you're in, like, BIG trouble now, Eser!" Re'ick grinned smugly, "You should've known better than to, um, like, accept Mu-Ron Herr's intervi --"

"Will I have the honor to ask you a few questions, young man?"

Re'ick almost jumped when Mu-Ron's voice suddenly emerged behind him. Eser just smiled triumphantly with satiation at the sight in front of her and said neutrally: "May the Force be with you, young Jedi." Then Eser sniggered smugly and left Re'ick with Mu-Ron in the busy hallway.

"Hi, I'm Mu-Ron Herr from _The Coruscant Times_ , as you've probably known already by now." Mu-Ron held out her hand to Re'ick to shake hand with him.

"I'm Padawan Re'ick Tutra." Re'ick shook the reporter's hand nervously, cursing under his breath for the bad luck.

"So, as I've said before, I hope I would have the honor to ask you a few questions?"

Re'ick's eyes lit up instantly -- he hadn't realized the significance of this interview until now: he would finally have a chance to show off on the newspaper (not to mention the newspaper itself was the Galactic Bestseller). "Sure, um, sure, why not? Tell you what, I am actually, like, a member of Dooku Fan Club."

"He even has a fan club?" Mu-Ron asked dreamily.

"Yep! And, um, it's, like, the second largest Padawan Organization in, like, the Temple -- the shitty Padawan Council gets to be, like, the largest (it only has, like, a bunch of assholes in it, though)."

"That's just great, Padawan Tutra! Now, what do you think about Master Dooku?"

Clearing his throat, Re'ick answered confidently: "Master Dooku is like, um, a legend, and he is, like, very great in, um, like, lightsaber combats. And, um, he is, like, really good at, like, debating with, um, the Council, no matter how the Council, like, um, disagree with him."

Meanwhile, two Knights walked by and heard Re'ick's response:

"Why do kids today all speak so...incoherently?"

"You mean...?"

"Such as this: they don't say 'The sky is dark.' Instead, they say 'The sky, um, is, like, dark.'"

"Yeah, I see what you mean. I suppose that's a new trend in talking for the youths nowadays."

"You're absolutely right, my friend -- and a freaky trend it is. My ears are gonna BLEED from those numerous, never-ending 'like's and 'um's!"

"Right, make me wanna choke them. The complete sentences of those kids' daily speech are as rare as quaternary stars."

Although Mu-Ron's professional smile did not waver, the wheels in her head were turning fast: as nice as it was to hear someone praise Dooku, she couldn't write all those fancy 'like's and 'um's in her notes. And so Mu-Ron's murmuring began like this: "As we could learn from a young Padawan --"

"Dashing young Padawan."

"From a dashing young Padawan --"

"Oh wait: Handsome and dashing young Padawan."

"Okay, handsome and dashing young Padawan --"

"No, wait wait wait, change that to handsome, dashing AND remarkable young Padawan."

Mu-Ron did her best to suppress the sigh that was ready to escape from her mouth, "As you wish, young man."

Straightened herself a bit, Mu-Ron started typing again: "As we could learn from a handsome, dashing and remarkable young Padawan, Master Dooku is courageous and never fears expressing his bold, insightful views before the Jedi High Council."

"Whoa..." Re'ick looked at the reporter in awe, "You're, like, really something..."

"Thank you, honey." As she turned to leave, an all too familiar voice halted her:

"Miss Herr,"

Mu-Ron sighed audibly with disappointment at the voice and turned around to face her former Subject of the Story. "Ah, Master Jinn, what a pleasant...surprise."

Qui-Gon nodded at her briefly, and Obi-Wan, who'd been standing beside him, bowed slightly: "Greetings, Miss Herr."

"And...what can I do for you guys?" Mu-Ron asked hesitantly, forming her professional smile on her face again.

"A group of Padawans have complained to me that you did not take one of your interviewees' perceptions as she wished," Qui-Gon stated directly, "Perhaps you should consult your conscience before writing those notes down?"

"Unfortunately, Master Jinn," said Mu-Ron with pride, "I believe a journalist's job is to seek the appropriate content by _herself_."

"Even when the 'appropriate' content is apart from the truths?" Qui-Gon raised an eyebrow as he asked.

"That is something necessary to be done sometimes when it comes to the concerns of readers' interests."

"So you think the quantity sold of your newspaper is more important than telling truths to the public?" Obi-Wan asked indignantly.

"Yep." Answered Mu-Ron.

"Even at the cost of putting slanders on others' reputations?" Obi-Wan said through gritted teeth, his fists clenching.

"Most likely."

"Then..." Qui-Gon was taken aback by the message, then he took a breath before saying aloud, "Why do you worship Master Dooku so intensely?"

"Oh, THAT," Mu-Ron said in perfect tranquility and a slight smile of self-satisfactory, "I think the question should be: Why have there been so much difference in treating you and..." she put a hand on her chest and sighed in adoration again, "Master Dooku the Magnificent." Then she resumed her calmness, "But yeah, I sure need to explain the reason a bit."

Qui-Gon braced himself to prepare for the answer; Obi-Wan's eyes narrowed since he was certain that nothing from the reporter's mouth was worthy or moral; Re'ick had decided that Mu-Ron was the most amazing woman he'd ever met and everything she said was worth hearing, so he got both ears ready to hear the reasoning.

Mu-Ron began with a declaring tone which was strangely filled with authority: "You, Qui-Gon Jinn, is a commoner, and he, Master Dooku, is one of the most celebrated figures respected by the government. And so there goes the difference. Besides --"

Before Mu-Ron could continue, Obi-Wan stepped forth and shouted outright: "You really ARE the tongue of the government and the entertainer for the citizens! You treat people without fame and power like DIRT! Why? Because to YOU, they are nothing but some insignificant peasants who cannot fight for their own rights! No wonder you can and WILL only be a GARBAGE NEWSPAPER!!!"

Obi-Wan's unexpected outburst immediately attracted countless attentions from around: whispers and sniggers surrounded them and many Masters shook their heads openly to show their disapproval with the apprentice's lack of emotional control. And Re'ick, due to his teenager's vulnerable pride, hurriedly sneaked out of the scenario as fast as possible; Obi-Wan covered his mouth with both hands as he painfully realized that he'd managed to make himself a public spectacle; Qui-Gon sighed inwardly, and placed a reassuring hand on his Padawan's shoulder to ease the young man's embarrassment slightly.

Mu-Ron, on the other hand, just blinked indifferently at the ferocious reprimand and spoke up again, "There's more, Padawan Kenobi, if you would let me finish. You've started your admonishment too early, now what would you do after hearing my real reason?" She intentionally pretended that she was worried for the apprentice, which further deepened the sarcasm. And that earned her the amused sniggering from the spectators gathered around them.

Obi-Wan bit his bottom lip and swore to the Force that he would not speak in the presence of Mu-Ron Herr ever again.

Satisfied with her revenge, Mu-Ron said: "I was going to say -- before you interrupted me with such disappointing manner --" more amused sniggering, "-- that aside from the difference in your statuses, Master Dooku is also a person that I care very much for."

The sniggers ceased, and Obi-Wan, much to his horror, found his mouth breaking his vow to the Force immediately: "What is he? Your uncle or something? Or you were asked to look after him by his mother?"

Mu-Ron's eyes suddenly narrowed and her sardonic smile hardened into a solemn and piercing gaze when she spoke slowly.

"No, Padawan Kenobi -- I _am_ his mother."

Silence filled the air instantly, and the jaw of every being present, except Mu-Ron, dropped.

Mu-Ron seemed to be extremely pleased with the effect she'd caused, and she waited patiently for them to recover. But after five minutes and there was still not a single response, she began to feel irritated.

"What, you're not going to scream 'No!' or anything like that?" she asked demandingly.

The crowd shook their heads in unison, still gaping at the reporter in utter silence.

When Mu-Ron was about to feel despair, a tiny voice finally called out, "But you don't have the same last name..."

Mu-Ron was clearly, totally disappointed with the only response they could form, but she answered nonetheless, "On our homeworld Serenno, females don't adopt their husbands' surnames."

"But you don't look alike, either..." Another small voice said weakly, apparently still trapped in the shock.

Sighing, Mu-Ron finally gave up hope on all these obtuse Jedi. "We have the same eyes." She said politely, if not matter-of-factly.

"Indeed," Qui-Gon and several other Masters that were acquainted with Dooku murmured together, nodding with vacant expressions.

Having decided that the Jedi were too hopeless to make the situation as legendary and historical as it deserved to be, Mu-Ron strode away eventually in annoyance.

 

 

 

Master Kumu and her two former apprentices Knights Starkiller and Qamir were having a leisure little walk in the Gardens after their wonderful lunch at an expensive restaurant. They had the sun on their shoulders, the wind at their heels, a song in their hearts, everything was beautiful and quiet, and nothing could break the peace.

Or so it seemed.

"For Force's sake, Master, may we talk NOW?" Qamir suddenly found the silence his former Master ordered was more unbearable than he imagined.

"No, lad, you may not." Master Kumu said with a serene but emotionless expression. "According to my biology research, not talking after meals is particularly healthy and could extend the length of living." As the old Master stated this, Starkiller nodded, soundlessly (as the Master had commanded), with an exaggeratedly smug grin at Qamir. "Besides," Master Kumu continued, "I've heard that the more one talks, the shorter one lives."

Starkiller's lips (which were twitching uncontrollably) pressed tightly together, her breaths quickened, and she couldn't look more obvious that she was using all of her training to prevent herself from laughing, or worse: hysterically laughing. And she even managed to -- in that very state -- force her lips to curl into a smile at Qamir, only to show him how pleased she was when he was the one being scolded by their Master instead of her.

Qamir scowled at his fellow Knight and had already worked out a plan to avenge his embarrassment --

"Oh my!" Mu-Ron Herr came into sight with an interview-thirst smile, "A Master with two Knights! I've never been in such luck -- and honor, of course -- before this moment!"

The Jedi trio exchanged looks with one another in amazement, and they felt, at least a little bit, flattered, since no one had ever admired them for the size of their party before.

"Uh...then...congratulations?" Qamir was the first to speak after the awkward silence.

"Gods, look how forgetful I am!" Mu-Ron straightened herself slightly and put on her professional smile again, "I am Mu-Ron Herr, from _The Coruscant Times_. And I would like to ask you to give me a little help, since I am writing a story about Master Dooku."

"You mean Master D.?" Qamir's curiosity started to grow.

"Yes, Master...D." Mu-Ron kept her smile (though it was rather stiff at the moment) and composure. "Then I take that as a 'yes', Knight...?"

"Rymolaar Qamir Nogaunkteheeliahanyu." Qamir said proudly.

"Knight Noga...hilahanio?"

"No, Nogaunkteheeliahanyu."

"Nogontiheliahenu?"

"No, Nogaunkteheeliahanyu."

"Noga...Noga..."

"How about just 'Qamir'?"

Both the Knight and the reporter turned to look at the old Master who made the suggestion.

"What's wrong with that, lad? It's how we call you all the time." Master Kumu shrugged as Qamir looked at her with a how-could-you-do-that scowl. "And don't you give me that look, young man, Knighted or not Knighted, I'm still your Master."

"But, Master, this might be the only chance to FINALLY get someone to pronounce my family name right at least for ONCE!" Qamir protested plaintively.

"Wait," Mu-Ron looked at Master Kumu and Qamir in turn, "You were...his Master?"

Master Kumu nodded.

"You, were her apprentice?"

" _Are_ her apprentice." Qamir added hastily while Master Kumu was nodding in satisfaction with his punctual correction.

"So you two are actually a Master-Padawan pair!" The reporter clapped her hands with surprise and excitement.

"Ahem," Starkiller, who'd been quiet throughout the conversation, interrupted abruptly, "As a matter of fact, we THREE are a Master-Padawan trio."

Mu-Ron gasped and looked at the trio one by one. "But...I thought...a Master can only have one apprentice at a time?"

"True," Starkiller nodded in agreement, "and that explains why I am in fact much older than Qamir." She held her head with pride.

"You are?"

"Yeah, I am our Master's fourth apprentice, and Qamir is the fifth."

"Oh..." Mu-Ron blinked her eyes in wonder, "And by the way, you are Knight...?"

Starkiller immediately winced, then she cleared her throat, "Why don't we just go with 'Starkiller', Miss Herr?"

"Your first name?"

"No, my last name."

"And your first name is?"

"Uh...trust me, you don't wanna know it."

"How come?"

"Because...because..." Starkiller swallowed.

"Because her name is actually Orovitt Dokene Zoc Ithe Codiie Xe-Fa-Le Starkiller." Qamir cut in and answered for his fellow Knight with malice.

Mu-Ron's eyes widened. "You have SIX names?"

"Well...yeah..." Starkiller turned to give Qamir a strict glare, "My father, mother, grandfather, grandmother, the other grandfather and the other grandmother all had a strong will in choosing my first name. So in the end, since not one of them was willing to yield, they decided to use all six names."

"And we sometimes call her Odzi." Having decided to completely ignore Starkiller's glare and avenge his earlier embarrassment, Qamir continued maliciously.

"I'm warning you, Qamir!"

"Odzi?"

"O-D-Z-I, the initials of her first four names."

"Qamir!"

"But that's so...unique, Knight Starkiller."

"Oh...uh...thank you, Miss Herr."

"Don't flatter yourself, Starkiller -- you know 'Odzi' is actually quite stupid."

"And that 'stupid' name was first made up by the stupid male right next to me."

"Oh yeah? Well, in case you haven't noticed, this 'stupid male' is at least not as ridiculous --"

"We are living in a disordered society space." Master Kumu eventually stated, with her emotionless but intimidating voice, mixed with a vague amount of disappointment (intended to make the two Knights feel guilty).

Starkiller and Qamir instantly shut their mouths and bowed their heads guiltily in unison.

"Gods!" Mu-Ron exclaimed, "I almost forgot the interview! Would you be kind enough to answer a few questions, Master...?"

"Kumu," Master Kumu responded slowly, "Lalahalala Kumu."

Mu-Ron giggled at the Jedi Master's strange sense of humor, "No, really!"

As the reporter continued giggling, Starkiller and Qamir glanced at each other with fright and apprehension, then they both turned their heads to look at their Master, who obviously did not find the situation hilarious in the least bit.

As Mu-Ron realized she was the only person here giggling, she fell silent in a flash and revelation dawned, then she cleared her throat embarrassedly at the trio.

"So, uh, Master Kumu," Mu-Ron grinned nervously at the eyes-narrowed Master Kumu, "you wouldn't mind sharing a few thoughts about Master Dooku with me, would you?" Now her voice sounded rather eager to please the offended Master.

"Certainly not, Miss Herr," Master Kumu nodded slightly, then she showed a hint of a smile at the anxious reporter to relieve her from fear. "Then let's get started, shall we?"

Mu-Ron nodded desperately. Taking out her datapad swiftly, she tentatively motioned the Jedi Master to begin.

Master Kumu acknowledged her sign with a nod. "Master Dooku is a little too...self-righteous and stubborn sometimes, and many Jedi are intimidated by him for that."

Meanwhile, Qamir was getting over-excited, "Master, you forget to mention --"

"Patience, Padawan, _patience_ ," Master Kumu cut him off slowly, "I thought I had taught you not to interrupt the elders when they are speaking."

"Oh. Sorry." Qamir shut his mouth quickly, and Starkiller whispered to him, "You'd better wait for your turn, stupid male."

"Now then, where were we? Oh yes," Master Kumu continued, "When I say 'self-righteous', that means he is a bit overly keen and insistent on doing what he himself deems right, completely disregards others' concerns, which is the reason he frightens most of the people away. As the consequence, most Jedi (except the Council) try to keep a distance between themselves and Master Dooku."

"Why, thank you, Master Kumu!" Mu-Ron was still inside the fear of having affronted one so old and powerful as Master Kumu. "I really appreciate your help!"

"You're welcome, Miss Herr." Master Kumu replied with an ambiguous nod.

"Are you done, Master?" Asked Qamir carefully.

"Go ahead, lad."

Qamir then cleared his throat dramatically as if to announce that he would begin his grand speech, which was only responded by Starkiller rolling her eyes.

"What about Master D.? Well, I'd say he's just a wannabe Separatist." Qamir was obviously very proud of his strong opinion.

With Master Kumu still around, Mu-Ron didn't dare to let her notes heard by the Jedi trio, so she just kept the notes to herself: "Master Dooku always follows his beliefs and remarkably valuable political thoughts against all odds. The path of a hero is always lonely. Master Dooku does not allow himself to be tainted by the rotten, he remains pure even though he is within a mud-filled world of corruption. Whenever corruption reaches out its luring tentacles, Master Dooku resists it with his strong mind. While others maintain a distance between them and the commendable Master due to his respectful integrity and sense of justice, he is not at all held back by the lonesome life he has received for his immense contribution to the world." After she finished, Mu-Ron looked at her work, deeply satisfied.

Then she looked up from her datapad, and thanked Qamir, Starkiller and Master Kumu for their assistance, then left in a hurry. When she made sure she was out of the hearing range of the trio, she let out a sigh of relief.

 

 

 

"I still can't believe Yoda did this to us," This was probably the most frequent sentence coming from Master Depa Billaba this week.

"Yeah, what's so trustworthy about Dooku anyway?" Master Adi Gallia remarked in frustration.

"Well, Dooku's his former Padawan, of course he decides to send his beloved Dooku to investigate the InterGalactic Banking Clan." Master Shaak Ti shook her head ruefully.

"But Dooku could be on their side -- you know how close he is with those potential Separatists..." Master Yaddle's eyes narrowed as she contemplated about the seriousness of the matter.

The four Masters had just finished their lunch and were heading back for their offices when Depa said THE sentence for the thirteenth time of the day.

Depa sighed heavily, "Yoda should at least send someone loyal to the Republic, since that could ensure the investigation wouldn't be jeopardized by bribery too easily."

"To Mace and Yoda, Dooku is the Symbol of Loyalty." Adi snorted.

Shaak Ti cleared her throat and mimicked Yoda's tone in one of his favorite sentences: "Clouded, our future is..."

Yaddle nodded gravely at the imitation, "If only he could send someone who is _truly_ loyal, like Mace or Yoda himself, or even Ki-Adi."

"Or you," Adi smiled brightly at Yaddle as she made the suggestion.

"No, thank you, child," Yaddle returned her smile warmly and shook her head, "I would not call myself absolutely loyal, and one never knows what temptations she might face -- I do not have that much faith in myself."

"You are too modest, Master Yaddle," Shaak Ti said in admiration. Nodding, Depa said reverently, "You are one of the wisest of the Council."

"Such nonsense I am hearing!" Master Kit Fisto suddenly cut into the conversation, quite rudely, "You four are talking like there is no tomorrow!"

The four Masters actually groaned in annoyance at the male Master's defiant voice. Kit had been bothering them for weeks now, merely because he was courting Aayla and he needed some advice from them about how to approach the charming Knight properly, since they were friends and of the same gender. But, as it turned out, Kit Fisto was way too self-righteous to keep quiet when he ought to. Such as at the moment, he had been trailing behind them for some time now, and he managed to keep his mouth shut for six minutes and eighteen seconds. Just when the four Masters were considering congratulating him for his remarkable progress of tongue-control, he was still overcome by his impulsive nature after all.

Adi rolled her eyes; Shaak Ti shook her head; Depa sighed; Yaddle answered calmly, "We are not, Master Fisto, we were just discussing who the rightful investigator should be."

"And criticizing the trust of Yoda and Mace for Dooku?" Kit arched an eyebr -- excuse me, he didn't have eyebrows, what he had were two large, unblinking eyes. So he narrowed his large, unblinking eyes interrogatingly, which made the four Masters wonder who he thought he was.

"Forgive me, Master Fisto," Depa said ironically, "but I believe we have the right to personally mistrust any person we deem treacherous and unreliable."

Kit snorted, "Not in my presence -- I will not tolerate your baseless accusation."

"Baseless, is it?" Shaak Ti raised an eyebr -- oh dear, she didn't have eyebrows, either, so she inclined her head in amusement, "You have forgotten the questionable data we received from Dooku concerning the case of the Techno Union two weeks ago, Master Fisto."

Kit snorted again, "Questionable in your eyes, I, however, don't see anything dubious about those innocent data."

Adi sighed dramatically, shaking her head at him like a disappointed former Master, "You and your lack of experience with technological manufacturers..."

" _Lack_ of _experience_?" Kit's already narrowed eyes narrowed some more -- now he was really offended.

"Oh, I forgot 'intelligence'." Adi smugly added.

But before Kit could strike back, Depa offered considerately, "And in case you didn't notice, Master Fisto: you are infinitely free to leave and let us rot in our 'baseless accusation' any moment you wish."

Huffing out a puff of disgruntled air at the way he was dismissed, Kit managed to form a sneer, "Then I shall -- you females are insufferably narrow-minded."

Yaddle smiled patiently, "And you, young yet over-self-assured Master Sexist, are unbearably simple-minded."

Adi, Depa and Shaak Ti chuckled at the old Master's fast counterattack.

Now the tentacle-headed Master was becoming desperate and extreme, "Oh yes? Arrogant paranoiacs."

"Paranoiacs, are we? Please elaborate," Shaak Ti smiled and, along with the other three Masters, she was even more amused than before, and that did worry Kit -- he felt his ground against the four Masters was not as firm as he had imagined.

"You females are always so paranoid about ANYthing." He held onto his defense feebly.

"I thought being watchful of your surroundings is considered necessary for a Jedi?" Adi raised an eyebrow (finally someone with eyebrows) as she asked with a sardonic grin. Kit groaned inwardly: how he hated their rhetorical questions.

Shaak Ti ruthlessly pursued, not giving Kit any time to retort, "Well, we apologize if we irritate you for some mysterious reason -- we just like doing this unintelligent thing called... _Thinking_."

The other three Masters laughed heartily at the sarcasm, and Kit wanted to hurt a certain red-skinned Master right now.

Depa's face suddenly lit up (in an ominous way, from Kit's view) "We must tell Aayla just how paranoid we females are from our dear Master Kit's perspective -- I'm sure she'd be as amused as we are."

Her three friends all looked at her in felicity after hearing her brilliant idea.

Kit was immediately petrified and gasped, "You wouldn't!"

"Oh, we are very much afraid we would, Master Fisto, I assure you." Yaddle smiled serenely and kindly, which made the three younger Masters laugh harder.

Always recognized a doomed-to-be-lost battle when he encountered one, Kit decided to retreat while he still had a chance.

"Women..." He muttered loudly as his final assault, and somehow succeeded in rolling his large, unblinking eyes before he turned and walked away, thinking: _Memo to myself: Never challenge the Narrow-Minded Four when they're being narrow-minded. It's wrong -- especially when you're the one that loses all the time._

The four Masters watched the defeated young Master leave until he was out of their sight.

"Honestly," Adi spoke up, crossing her arms in front of her, "if I were Aayla and with a smartass admirer like that, I would rather stay single for the rest of my life."

"Indeed," Yaddle nodded solemnly.

Depa suddenly started sniggering, and when her company looked at her in bewilderment, she explained, "I was thinking they might still make a spectacular couple, since Aayla, too, has a little trouble with holding her tongue when needed."

"But their tongues practically weigh nothing, why can't they just hold them?" Adi deplored dramatically.

Shaak Ti chuckled in appreciation, "That's a good one,"

"Thank you, Shaak Ti." Adi smiled at her best friend.

Mu-Ron giggled as well, "Really, really nice,"

"Thanks, Mu-Ron." Adi was grinning at the reporter when she finally realized who the person actually was. Her grin vanished, her eyes widened, her face paled, and she took a step backward immediately, gasping in horror, "Mu-Ron Herr!"

Adi's company all visibly winced: they had heard the latest rumor saying the crazy reporter Mu-Ron Herr was actually Dooku's mother, and it had been confirmed by Ki-Adi, who happened to be one of those spectators present. Adi, Shaak Ti and Depa practically stepped behind the ever calm and confident Yaddle.

Yaddle held her composure and gazed at the reporter peacefully, "How may I be of service, Miss Herr?"

"Ah, Master Yaddle," Mu-Ron grinned brightly, "I believe you ladies are all on the Council?"

"Not me," Shaak Ti, having experienced the reporter's vileness already the day before, said quickly, "I'm merely a random Jedi." Then she regretted that she'd even made sound in the first place, since that had definitely drawn the reporter's attention.

"Master Ti!" Mu-Ron exclaimed happily as she recognized one of her former interviewees, "I didn't know you were in fact so close to the Council members!"

 _As if one Qui-Gon Jinn is not already enough to murder me,_ Shaak Ti thought bitterly. Of course, she'd heard Ki-Adi talking about how dearly the reporter loved her son, but one never knows when Mu-Ron Herr would start twisting people's comments again, and Shaak Ti decided the last thing she needed was an enemy as deadly as Dooku.

"Oh, ladies, you GOTTA tell me what you think of my son!" Mu-Ron's excitement was quite disturbing, but the experienced Yaddle knew she would get it all under control.

According to Ki-Adi, Mu-Ron had completely sided with Dooku, so surely a little factual critique wouldn't hurt the reputation of that favored apprentice of Yoda's too much. Making up her mind, Yaddle spoke slowly but clearly:

"I am afraid that he is slightly overly rebellious and fascinated by the Dark Side of the Force, Miss Herr."

"Mm-hmm..." a smile graced Mu-Ron's lips after she heard Yaddle's distressing comment, much to the other three younger Masters' astonishment.

The reporter took out her datapad, and this time only her lips moved without making any sound when she typed:

"The wise Master Dooku possesses a special talent in all aspects of the Force; this unique ability allows him to approach the greater good, which further demonstrates the depth of his wisdom.

"Strength and wisdom -- these are the essences of a true hero, and Master Dooku holds each of them. Therefore, he is no doubt one of the greatest heroes ever existed in the galaxy's history. He was once nothing more than a plain pebble, but now he has become a glorious diamond.

"Dooku is his name, and also the Kotorish word of 'Magnificent', which indicates Master Dooku was born to be the most magnificent warrior of all times. He brings honor to his family, his home planet, the Jedi Order, the Republic, and most important of all, the entire galaxy."

Yaddle, on the other hand, knew the nature of that smile of Mu-Ron's when the reporter started typing (quietly) on her datapad, but didn't stop the reporter from glorifying her son -- because just like Qui-Gon, her suspicion about Dooku was only her own speculations; besides, who would blame a mother for loving her son? _Well, perhaps Master Sexist would,_ Yaddle thought, smiling in irony, _had he not been such a big fanatic of Dooku._

Mu-Ron finally finished her typing and looked down to grin at the old Master, "Thank you so much, Master Yaddle, this means the world to me!"

"You are welcome, Miss Herr." Yaddle smiled pleasantly in return.

Depa, Adi and Shaak Ti were overwhelmed by relief after realizing the peril before them was not even a peril, regardless of the fact that Mu-Ron was (at any rate, it appeared so, since they could only judge her notes by the swift moves of her lips) repeating the same content over and over again, except she changed the wording and the way expressing it every time. They didn't say anything about her praise for Dooku because they knew getting rid of her in one piece was already a blessing itself.

After they and Mu-Ron departed, the four Masters all sighed in relief at the same time.

"Is it all right to let her publish a story like that?" Adi, after finally feeling safe enough to make any noise, asked worriedly, "I thought Dooku was a potential Separatist?"

"He is," Depa said, despair colored her voice, "we, however, have no proofs, and that does present the problem."

"If only we could somehow find a way to prove our concern to the Council..." Shaak Ti rubbed her red chin thoughtfully.

"Worry not, children," Yaddle smiled, emitting soothing serenity, "we shall -- and will -- find a solution," the three younger Masters' faces brightened immensely, "someday." Their faces fell and sighed in chorus.

 

 

 

Adi entered her office with a weary sigh. As reassuring as Yaddle was, she still sensed a storm coming -- which was a fairly small one, but it was still a storm.

Then, immediately, she almost leapt out of the office when she found Mu-Ron Herr sitting in one of her chairs with a professional smile.

"Mu -- Miss Herr?" Adi desperately tried to conceal her chagrin.

"Such a pleasure to meet you again, Master Gallia," Mu-Ron stood up and grinned brightly at her, "I found your office door ajar, so I took the liberty of inviting myself in."

 _Sith,_ Adi cursed in her mind for her sloppiness, only now did she regret not listening to Mace's warning about locking the door whenever she left her office.

"I hope I'm not intruding?"

"No, of course not, Miss Herr," Adi produced a stiff smile. _Now, why on Coruscant did I not sense her presence? Oh, RIGHT, she's Dooku's MOTHER._ She closed her eyes in misery. _Please, Force, give me strength..._

"I only have one tiny little question, Master Gallia, and I promise it wouldn't take you more than one minute." Mu-Ron's eager voice startled Adi from her praying.

"Uh...sure, definitely, Miss Herr," Adi straightened herself to receive the supposed-to-be simple question.

"Aside from you and your colleagues' obvious dissatisfaction towards Master Dooku --"

 _You call THAT a 'tiny little question'?!_ Adi had a fatally bad feeling about this.

"-- What do you really think of him? In truth, I mean."

Adi eyed the reporter suspiciously; when she found Mu-Ron was constantly grinning with disturbing anticipations, she decided to take the safer road:

"No comments; I only know the fact he's Master Yoda's favorite apprentice and has many admirers." _Such as Master Sexist,_ she added inwardly with a sneer.

"I see," Mu-Ron nodded, deep in thought. Then she typed something into her datapad one last time (in the Jedi Temple), and beheld her final notes with satisfaction.

"I thank you, Master Gallia." Mu-Ron held out her hand with a blazing smile, "It's really been a pleasure to meet you."

 _Yeah, RIGHT -- you mean it's really been a pleasure to glorify your damnable son._ "The pleasure is mine, Miss Herr." Adi shook the reporter's hand with a professional smile of her own.

 

 

 

The next morning, Obi-Wan was carefully reading _The Coruscant Times_ in the living room while his Master was having a cup of lukewarm tea.

"I thought you said it was a garbage newspaper, Padawan?" Qui-Gon observed his apprentice over the brim of the teacup.

"I did, but I'm curious about what Miss Herr's story about Master Dooku would be like," the Padawan was tiredly checking Mu-Ron's lengthy article ( _A Great Warrior -- analyzing the glory of Jedi Master Dooku_ ) published on the front page, "Though she's been obviously worshiping him so far."

"Obi-Wan, do you not remember that my former Master is 'one of the most celebrated figures respected by the government'?" Qui-Gon put down his teacup, "Moreover, he is her dearly loved son." For some reason, Qui-Gon felt relieved at the fact nothing had happened to his former Master, despite that he was the one who suggested choosing Dooku in the first place. _I'm SO in denial... Maybe I am still under the shadow of my Master after all,_ Qui-Gon concluded bitterly, _or I'm just too good a person to really do anything bad._ The thought comforted him somewhat.

"I know," Obi-Wan raised his bright eyes to look at his Master, "but curiosity could be a powerful enemy that is hard to defeat at times." He gave Qui-Gon a sheepish grin; in some way, the cheerfulness of it soothed Qui-Gon's weary mind.

"Understandable for a silly Padawan like you," Qui-Gon smiled affectionately and picked up _The Walker Street Journal_ to look for the new business affairs and trades going on in the controlling financial district of Coruscant.

"I don't understand, Master," Obi-Wan suddenly asked, "If she really is Dooku's mother, then what did she need those interviews for?"

Qui-Gon shrugged, "Perhaps she found the interviews inspiring."

"But why didn't she interview you for Master Dooku, then, considering you were his Padawan?"

"Well, she obviously thinks I am too obsolete to be inspiring."

Obi-Wan snorted, "Crazy reporter,"

"Most reporters are," Said Qui-Gon, smiling.

In the end, Obi-Wan (whose eyes had already got to the peak of soreness) finally reached the last paragraph of the article, and as he was about to inform Qui-Gon that the content of the article was extremely predictable, he suddenly gasped with his eyes widening considerably.

Qui-Gon was alarmed and looked at his Padawan with concern. "Are you all right, Obi-Wan?"

Obi-Wan looked up at Qui-Gon with his mouth still hanging and passed _The Coruscant Times_ to him numbly, pointing at the last paragraph of Mu-Ron's story like a zombie.

Qui-Gon took the newspaper and began reading the last paragraph. A few seconds went by and he suddenly gasped with his eyes widening considerably.

 

 

 

Meanwhile, in the Council Chamber...

"Sith Spit! What in the name of the Force?!"

Mace was disturbed from his reading ( _The Coruscant Post_ ) and shot Adi a glare, "Perhaps this might refresh your memory of the rules here a bit, Master Gallia: Council Chamber Rule Number 1: No cursing OR swearing in the Council Chamber."

"DAMN easy for you to say!" Adi shouted in exasperation, _The Coruscant Times_ clutching tightly in her shaking hands -- now she knew what exactly the storm she sensed the other day was.

"Master Gallia, do you mind? I said, no cursing or SWEARING in the Council Chamber." Mace was almost certain that Adi was trying his patience and he realized all the other Council members had abandoned their reading and watched Adi and him with amusement (mostly from male Masters) or concern (mostly from female Masters).

"Is everything all right, Adi?" Yaddle put down her _Republic Geographic_ and studied her through worried eyes.

Depa was looking at Adi with the same concern, then she stood up from her seat and strode to Adi's side to take a look at the article she'd been reading.

Depa's jaw dropped the instant she located the paragraph Adi'd been pointing at, and that stirred the curiosity of the rest of the Council members.

"What happened, Master Billaba?" Master Plo Koon asked with interest, and Master Oppo Rancisis and Master Eeth Koth even leaned forward in their seats so as to hear more clearly.

Depa turned to look at Adi with a questioning look, and Adi answered her with a despaired nod of her head. Hence, Depa cleared her throat and read aloud:

"He brings honor to his family, his home planet, the Jedi Order, the Republic, and most important of all, the entire galaxy.

"Last, but not least, even the strikingly beautiful Council member from Coruscant has helplessly fallen in love with the glorious Master Dooku. 'I only know the fact he's Master Yoda's favorite apprentice and has many admirers.' Although she answered with indifference when being asked about her feelings for him, anyone could sense her displeasure towards the 'many admirers' and the affection and possessiveness for Master Dooku from her tender sea-blue eyes."

The Council Chamber fell silent, entirely.

After what felt like eternity, Mace finally said as revelation dawned: "So you're from Coruscant?"

"Master Windu!" Yaddle and Depa scolded sharply, which made Mace hurriedly hold up both of his hands as if to calm a wild horse.

"I'm serious; I never would have guessed the paragraph was referring to _her_ had she not reacted so madly about it. And I didn't know her homeworld is actually _here_."

Master Even Piell whispered to Master Saesee Tiin and Master Yarael Poof who were at either side of him, "I told you reporters are a pack of sick beings." They both nodded gravely.

A soft cough caught everyone's attention, and they all turned their heads to find Master Yoda gazing at Adi compassionately, "Worry you shall not, Master Gallia. Pass, then fade the gossip will, eventually. If bear it you could, then a true Council member have you become."

Adi bowed her head and nodded painfully, with Depa and Yaddle (who also left her seat after she heard the story) trying to comfort her by gently putting a hand on her back and patting the back of her hand.

"This is embarrassing," Eeth did try to look compassionate, but his amused grin failed him, "for both Master Gallia AND Master Dooku."

"A famous Jedi has my former apprentice become," Yoda smiled proudly, "always follow the celebrities gossips do."

"Have you forgotten that Adi is a famous Jedi as well, Master Yoda?" Yaddle's eyes narrowed coldly, "And it is in fact rather degrading for Adi since your precious apprentice does have a debatable sense of justice."

"Come now, Master Yaddle," Mace, too, was smiling proudly, "Master Dooku's sense of justice is perfectly fine."

"As if," Depa snorted, returning her attention to the defeated Master from Coruscant.

"But the idea itself is so...creative," Eeth was deeply absorbed in Mu-Ron's dramatic tale of Adi and Dooku, and still couldn't suppress his grin, "although it is indeed a delusional fantasy daydreamed by his ambitious mother."

"Ah, and such a romantic fantasy it is..." Plo sighed dramatically, and the two Masters sniggered together.

"This is not humorous, Master Koth, Master Koon!" Oppo reprimanded, "It is about the reputation of our Council!"

"It's not even half as dreadful as you made it sound, Master Rancisis," Ki-Adi remarked leisurely, "After all, who says Council members are not allowed to fall in love?"

"But not with HIM!" Adi wailed, losing control at last, which made Depa and Yaddle seriously consider summoning Shaak Ti, "That despicable, hypocritical potential SEPARATIST!"

Mace frowned: now he was deeply offended by the statement. How could she say something this defamatory about the most trusted Master Dooku who was almost his half-Padawan? "Master Gallia, your lack of emotional control is indeed disconcerting." He said sternly, glowering at her with his threatening glare.

Yaddle knew Adi was not in the mood to yield at the moment and was probably on the verge of eruption, so she warned Mace through her intimidating, knowing stare, and it turned out to be very effective since Mace shut his mouth almost instantly.

But an enraged and hysterical gleam flashed past Adi's eyes, and with what was left of her dignity, she held up her head proudly and questioned Mace in a tone that was frequently employed in interrogations: "Disconcerting? Disconcerting, you say?"

Yoda's ears twitched as he recognized his own way of speaking in Adi's menacing voice, and he was very sure Adi did that on purpose -- to hurt his feelings a bit, perhaps, for always taking his former Padawan's side. But what Adi did not know was that Master Yoda enjoyed other people's imitations of him immensely, for those imitations made him feel important, even more important than usual.

"I've always been wondering, Master Windu..." Adi, oblivious to the ancient Master's content, continued smilingly at Mace, "If you love Master Dooku so much, why don't you simply marry him?"

Mace had planned to roar at her, but he then reminded himself that he was in the Council Chamber -- Council Chamber Rule Number 270: No raising voice in the Council Chamber. "Your mind is disgusting and blasphemous, Master Gallia," Mace released his disgust and outrage into the Force sufficiently, "I always regard Master Dooku as a SON."

"But according to Council Chamber Rule Number 51, you are not permitted to accuse any fellow Council member of his or her mindset." Adi said triumphantly.

"First of all, Master Gallia," Mace tried hard not to let himself look annoyed, "The rule you're referring to is in fact Council Chamber Rule Number 451."

"You know, he's right," Plo found his copy of _The Council Member Manual_ and was reading it excitedly, completely ignoring Adi's furious glare, "Rule Number 51 is actually 'no holoPods or any kind of such corrupting music-playing devices in the Council Chamber'. Hmm..." Plo frowned, "Why can't we have holoPods, Mace?"

"You just CAN'T." Mace said firmly, feeling despaired.

"But almost every being in the Republic has one," Eeth protested.

"So?"

"So why do we have to be the only group of people that don't have their own holoPods?"

"Does it really matter whether you have a holoPod or not?"

"Of course it DOES -- I have been deprived of my individual rights to own trendy merchandise."

"Now, Eeth, you're talking like a spoiled child."

"Well, what do you expect when those bureaucrats that wrote the Council Chamber Rules have robbed me of my personal freedom to have a holoPod?"

"I feel neglected," Adi crossed her arms and muttered, while Plo was watching the two Masters with amusement.

"But recent scientific researches show that holoPods are harmful to one's hearing." Mace tempered his irritation and forced himself to at least sound polite.

"But the Manual says..." Eeth enthusiastically looked through the manual that Plo had generously offered, "Ha!" he read aloud smugly, "Council Chamber Rule Number 923: No member of the Council is allowed to blindly impose his or her presumptions on others."

"This is not my 'presumption', Eeth, and I am most definitely not 'blindly' imposing it. Besides, in case you didn't notice, Rule Number 51 ONLY says you cannot have holoPods IN the Council CHAMBER, and I don't give a DAMN about if you have them outside!" No matter how hard he'd tried, Mace still couldn't hold his temper any longer and snapped in the end.

"Alas, Mace, you're violating the Council Chamber Rules yourself!" Eeth mock-gasped in grim satisfaction, "Rule Number 1, remember? No cursing or SWEARING in the Council Chamber?"

"Shut up, Eeth." Mace said coldly. After seeing the diabolical plot behind Eeth's ridiculous whining about holoPods, Mace sneered inwardly at the other Master's craziness.

Eeth was passionately skimming through Plo's manual all the same, "But Council Chamber Rule Number 86 says you cannot force silence upon --"

"STOP telling me the Council Chamber Rules!" Mace shouted in exasperation, "Of COURSE I know those Council Chamber Rules! Half of them are written by ME!"

"Which is EXACTLY the problem here!" Adi, who finally found an opening to regain her rightful place in the conversation, yelled back. And so Adi and Mace's famous Screaming Battle of the Heroes had begun.

Yaddle and Depa really started trying to contact Shaak Ti (whose comlink had unfortunately run out of power); Even, Saesee and Yarael were taking naps because of boredom and they were snoring loudly; Eeth and Plo were discussing why they couldn't have tongue-rings according to _The Council Member Manual_ ; Ki-Adi was humming idly while flipping through Yaddle's abandoned _Republic Geographic_ ; Oppo had decided to pretend that he didn't know the rest of the Council.

Master Yoda, on the other hand, only smiled and cleared his throat gently to get everyone's attention, which had succeeded smoothly. The Council Chamber fell silent again as all the Council members turned their focuses to the ancient Master.

"A garbage newspaper it is, Master Gallia, worry about it you should not." He stated encouragingly with a warm smile, then turned to the other Council members, "For one possessing a seat in the Council Chamber, a great challenge of tolerance it is."

His fellow Council members all nodded in unison.

Except Adi.

"Why didn't she just kill me instead?" Having been reminded of her grief again, she sobbed bitterly, "At least that would be less humiliating..."

"You just HAVE to remind her, don't you?" Yaddle gave Yoda the look.

 

 

 

Later that day...

Obi-Wan and his Master were having some lukewarm tea in the living room, again, while he reviewed the eventful past few days; and he found everything finally back to normal again: his Master had avoided a blow to his reputation; Master Dooku was...just like usual, still one of the greatest Jedi, not that Obi-Wan was complaining since he never thought defaming the old Master was such a good idea; Master Adi would hopefully be all right since she was a Council member. Obi-Wan heaved a sigh of relief -- he hadn't felt this relaxed and lighthearted for a long time since Mu-Ron walked through their front door, and his Master was obviously feeling the same.

"Master, do you want to be interviewed again?" Obi-Wan asked out of thin air after taking another sip of his tea.

"No." Qui-Gon answered without a moment of hesitation.

"Not by some garbage newspapers, of course, but by...say, your favorite _Walker Street Journal_?"

"Padawan," Qui-Gon actually sighed out the title, "why can't you just give your old Master a break?"

Obi-Wan never let topics drop easily, not when he had made up his mind to tease his Master for his earlier fame-hunting behavior -- although it was in fact a mindless thing to do, but the young Padawan always felt braver when he was carefree and merry. "Then how about _Republic Geographic_?"

"What would they need ME for?"

"Well...they could test your genes and explain your unnatural height."

Qui-Gon's eyes narrowed with a dangerous spark. "Do I detect a rebuke?"

"Of course not, Master, I mean it: you could become REALLY famous through those _good_ newspapers and magazines." Obi-Wan dared to grin mischievously at the older man.

Qui-Gon didn't miss that defiant grin, and he understood the apprentice's intention immediately. So he said in a formal way, "Why, thank you very much for the advice, Sir Sarcasm."

"You're welcome, Master." Obi-Wan replied cheekily, "Now, maybe we could think of some other good public media... How would you like _Viewer's Digest_?"

"Why not _Dead Apprentice Daily_?" Qui-Gon suggested with a cold smile, "I could even write something to them myself."

"Well, uh," Obi-Wan noticed that things weren't looking so good anymore, and decided to slip away, "The teapot seemed to be empty now, Master, and if you will excuse me, I need to fetch more tea."

He put down his teacup and stood up, but Qui-Gon suddenly spoke smilingly, "Padawan, there's still much tea in your cup."

"Oh, well," Obi-Wan's hands began to feel sweaty, "but we still need some tea in our teapot lest you want more, right?"

"I thank you for the concern, Obi-Wan, but I've already had enough tea at least for the moment." Qui-Gon then stood up and walked across the living room straight towards his Padawan, who was rooted to the floor due to extreme fear.

As Qui-Gon approached, Obi-Wan repeated hastily to himself, "There is no fear, there is no fear, there is no --"

"This little game of yours has become quite trying, has it not?" Qui-Gon was now standing before his Padawan.

Obi-Wan nodded desperately, hoping his Master would let him get away with it.

"Do you know the Padawans that want to make fun of their Masters always die tragically?" Qui-Gon placed both hands on Obi-Wan's shoulders.

Obi-Wan swallowed, "Uh...no?"

"Then you will be the first case existed in the Jedi history." Qui-Gon's lips twisted into a cold smile, "Aren't you proud of yourself, Padawan?"

"But what are you going to do?" Obi-Wan winced at the smile.

"Ah...that's a very good question, Obi-Wan, because I myself couldn't decide yet. Being a Master entitles me the power of doing anything necessary to discipline my Padawan. Which one shall I choose?" Qui-Gon pretended to be deep in thought, then he turned to his sweating apprentice, "Which one would you prefer, my dear Padawan?"

"Uh...let the poor Padawan just get away with it?" Obi-Wan suggested hopefully.

Qui-Gon's smile vanished and said indifferently, "You know it is impossible."

"Well, at least you cannot kill me, Master."

"Have you not heard that death could sometimes be an escape?"

Obi-Wan bit his bottom lip nervously and nodded.

Finally pleased with his revenge, Qui-Gon lowered his voice and asked forcefully, "You're sorry now?"

Obi-Wan swallowed and nodded again, this time carefully.

"That's better," Qui-Gon then released the Padawan, and leaned forward to share a joyful kiss with his young loved one.

Obi-Wan smiled into the sweet, gentle kiss, feeling this was the most wondrous moment he had in days.

The End

 

**Author's Note:**

> Mu-Ron Herr is a narrow-minded schmuck that makes a big deal out of transsexuality, even though transsexuality is perfectly normal (and probably rather common in the Star Wars universe). Obi-Wan isn’t like her at all; he caved only because he was tired of the evil reporter’s antics.
> 
> Aayla Secura wasn't knighted until the Clone Wars, but I just shamelessly ignored that fact since I needed her to be a Knight (instead of a little kid) here; the same goes for Mace Windu's age in this fic.
> 
> Notes:
> 
> 1\. Mu-Ron Herr was not intended to be an imitation of the reporter Rita Skeeter from the book "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire"; Mu-Ron tended to twist the interviewees' opinions according to her liking, while Rita Skeeter enjoyed exaggerations and digging up people's secrets -- but I could have mistaken Rita Skeeter's personality and habit since the last time I read a Harry Potter book was years ago. At any rate, however alike these two ladies may seem to be, at least I wasn't trying to create another Rita Skeeter when I created Mu-Ron (though accidents do happen).
> 
> 2\. The conversation in the Council Chamber among Mace Windu, Eeth Koth and Plo Koon concerning the Council Chamber Rules was inspired by a similar conversation in the animated film "Buzz Lightyear of Star Command: The Adventure Begins" (2000).
> 
> 3\. Shaak Ti's "We just like doing this unintelligent thing called...Thinking." was adapted from George Carlin's stand-up comedy performance "Jammin' in New York" (1992).
> 
> 4\. Adi Gallia's "But their tongues practically weigh nothing, why can't they just hold them?" was borrowed from the PC game "Drakan: Order of the Flame" (1999).


End file.
